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"Breaking Bad & Breaking Even: Part 1/5"
"I'm just a good ol' boy..."

my name is JP King…
 

and I am an addict…
 
 
I seriously can’t go a single day…
 

without thinking about marketing…

 
and marketing funnels…
 
 
this addiction has cost me everything I had…
 

twice…
 
 
but is also responsible for the amazingly incredible life…
 

that I am currently blessed enough to be living now…
 
 
again, my name is JP King…
 

and this is my story… 
 
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I was born in Honolulu, Hawaii on the island of Oahu...
 

in a giant PINK hospital known as Tripler Army Medical Center…
 
 
it's still there... it's still pink... and it's still kind of creepy…
 
 
eerily staring down upon the city, from atop of a volcano…
 

like an all girl’s mental ward at an old abandoned psychiatric center...
 

now, as you may have guessed…
 

I was born into a military family…
 
 
and to one of those “rare” couples...
 

who (still to this day) love each other very much…
 
 
they taught me to live life with morals and manners…
 

and instilled proper core values, integrity, discipline and code…
 
 
unfortunately, I did not get to grow up in Hawaii…
 

or anywhere for that matter…
 
 
people always ask me where I grew up…

 
and I just tell them…
 

“I was born in Hawaii, raised in Florida, grew up in California and became a man in Hawaii”
 

they always look at me sideways…
 

like a poodle...


trying to figure out what their human friend just said to them… 


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you see, we left the islands for the mainland when I was two…
 

and moved from state to state over the next several years…
 
 
first was Oklahoma… 


where we lived in a tiny, green house…
 

and where I became a middle child…
 
 
it was a small, mid-American town…
 

with nothing more than a Walmart, a water tower and a casino...


I remember it being super windy and incredibly cold…
 

but nowhere near as cold as Minnesota, where we moved next…
 

now THAT was cold…
 
 
I don’t remember much…
 

but I do remember getting all bundled up for the walk to school…
 
 
which I am reminded of each & every year…
 

when TBS plays their annual 24 hour ‘Christmas Story’ marathon…
 
 
with the little brother who had to walk to school with his arms out to his side…
 

because his mother dressed him up in like 2345674567 winter coats…
 
 
you remember that movie, yeah?
 

“you’ll shoot your eye out kid”…

 
haha… classic… 


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next we moved to Colorado…
 

which, from what I remember, was breath-takingly beautiful…
 
 
I still have dreams of the snow-capped mountain tops…
 

and the deer doing their morning dance through the yard…
 
 
and maybe a few nightmares here and there…
 

of the world’s scariest driveways…
 
 
I can remember white knuckling the seat in front of me…
 

and praying for my dear little life…
 

as my dad reversed the car down the hill each morning for school…
 
 
and then there was my infamous John Elway uniform…
 

that I got for my 7th birthday…
 

and wore EVERYWHERE we went…

 
I just about died when the Broncos lost the 1987 super bowl to the Red Skins..


finally, we packed up the car with 3 kids, 2 cats and 1 turtle…
 

and started our pilgrimage to Florida…

 
this was by far one of the most memorable road trips of my lifetime…
 
 
I will never forget those days…
 

all of us driving through the rain…
 
 
singing the same Patsy Cline and Bob Marley songs over and over…
 

at the top of our lungs, as we crossed from state line to state line…
 
 
or how magical it was when my mom predicted the future…
 

“don’t worry kids” she says “the rain will stop when we get to the sunshine state”

 
I thought she had been cooped up in the car too long...


and must have lost her mind…

 
because as we made our way through the south…
 

thick, heavy rain poured down atop of us…
 

and we could barely see the cars ahead of us…


not to mention the wind… jeez…
 

it was like straight out of the movie ‘Twister’…
 
 
but sure enough…
 

the very moment we approached the Florida / Georgia state line…
 

the clouds parted… 
 

the rain cleared…
 

and the sun shined down on the “Welcome To Florida” sign…
 

as if the heavens above were shining a spotlight through a magnifying glass…
 
 
we made it… we had arrived…
 

and I could just feel it…
 

deep down in the core of my soul…
 

that life was about to get very interesting…
 
 
if you only knew how right I was… 


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my childhood in the “orange juice capitol of the world” was awesome…

 
it was filled with bike rides and bird watching…
 

daily adventures and nightly shenanigans…
 
 
we were just a bunch of wild and crazy kids…
 

who loved playing outside and jumping in creeks…
 

and who didn’t care if they were full of snakes and gators…
 
 
ahhh… those were the good old days…
 

back before video games swept over the globe like an epidemic outbreak…
 
 
although, like any kid…
 

I do still remember going absolutely bonkers when we got our first Nintendo…
 

and playing duck hunt and Mario brothers for hours upon hours on end…
 
 
however, I actually preferred the outdoors…
 

and doing things like camping, fishing &/or playing hide and seek…


I was always much more connected to nature and to source…

 
and was really just a good ol’ boy…
 

with an honest, pure, kind soul…
 

an actual, literal boy-scout…
 

(my mom was our den mother...)
 
 
I was raised Catholic…
 

I have smelled the roses, seen the sun spinning…

 
and was the best damn church parking lot attendant ever…
 
 
at one point in my life, I was even an Alter Boy…


true story…
 

(and no… whatever some of you are thinking… just no…)
 
 
however, I was by no means perfect…
 

I even remember stealing from a convenient store once…
 

but my conscience (and my mother) took care of that…
 

I remember knowing darn well how much trouble I would be in…
 

when I showed her the candy… and told her where I got it…
 

but it was just eating me up inside…
 

and even though I was embarrassed and ashamed…
 

I was happy when she made me count pennies…
 

until I had enough to pay for the candy…

 
and walked me all the way back to the store...


to tell the owner what I had done…


I was also an avidly ambitious sports hero…
 

kind of like the jack-ass of all trades…
 
 
I played football, baseball, and even soccer…
 

and was the worst kid on every team… 


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no seriously… I was really, really bad…
 

but my parents still supported me no matter what…


umpire: "steeeeeeeerike 3... you're outta here"
 

mom & dad: "great job JP... you'll get'em next time"
 

EVERY… SINGLE… TIME…
 
 
words could NEVER describe the love, respect and gratitude...


that I have for my folks...

 
whom to this day still cheer me on, even when I strike out…
 
 
I was, however, the best bench warmer a coach could ask for…
 

and I always the biggest fan of each player on my team…
 
 
the truth is, I was never really good at anything…

 
other than board sports…
 

like surfing, skating and snowboarding…
 
 
maybe because there was less pressure on me…
 

you know?
 

I could just go with flow…


it was just between me and nature…
 

and that’s exactly how I preferred it…
 
 
as I was always more of a loner… and an introvert…
 
 
so, while the few friends that I did have…
 

were all in the closet playing “7 seconds in heaven”…

 
or whatever new make-out game it was at the time…
 
 
I was more interested in hanging out in my room…
 

listening to my dad’s old Tony Robbins &/or Zig Ziglar cassette tapes…
 
 
and coming up with cool new business ideas of my own…
 
 
I painted pictures of flowers and sold them to neighbors…
 

I organized home concerts and sold tickets to passing cars…
 

I built lemonade stands… had my own back-yard bike shop...

 
and I still... to this day... believe with all of my heart…
 

that I was the one who invented the “Pet Rock”…
 
 
I swear I did… I used to paint happy faces on rocks a sell them door to door…
 

then one day…. BOOM… as seen on TV… the pet rock…
 
 
I also believe that I invented the ‘Gag-Nam Style’ dance…
 

while riding my imaginary horse...


and passing a bus full of Japanese tourists on Kauai…

 
but that’s a whole ’nother story for sure…
 
 
anyways… it wasn’t until high-school…
 

where I discovered the drama club...


and met other free spirits just like me…

 
that I found my niche and started making friends for first time… 


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I just loved being an actor…
 

performing on stage and/or in front of the camera…
 
 
I had finally found something I was good at…
 

actually… something I was GREAT at…
 
 
before too long… I was booking gig after gig…
 

national commercial after national commercial…
 

and guest spots on popular tv shows…
 
 
I even got to see myself on the big screen...


in both New York & Miami…

 
playing a starring role…
 

in a movie being directed by an academy award winning director…
 
 
and, just for significance purposes only…
 

I also worked at the mall, as an Abercrombie & Fitch model…

 
for the first time in my life...


there wasn't a kid in school who didn't know who I was..

 
this was my first real taste of success…
 

and power… and popularity…
 

and wealth…


and the kind of people it can attract…


and for a young adult growing up in Orlando during the nineties…
 

with all the new friends that money can buy…

 
the kind of life that might lead to… 


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you know, the usual…
 

sex, drugs and rock and roll…
 
 
late nights and expensive habits…
 

that had a much higher price to pay…
 

then the cost of filling my bong…

 
the most expensive loss was my career…
 

which was being flushed straight down the toilet…

 
due to me showing up to auditions while high…
 

or just not showing up at all…
 
 
not looking my best… not feeling my best…
 

not performing my best in any way…
 

and it costed me BIG TIME…
 
 
like the infamous role of ‘Pacey’ from “Dawson’s Creek”…
 

which I ended up losing to Josh Jackson… because I was high…

 
and had gotten pulled over by the North Carolina Police Department…
 

while on way to the final audition…
 
 
this was the show that made Katie Holmes famous…

 
it was a huge deal…


it was my last shot...


and I blew it…
 
 
resulting in the loss of my agents…
 

and the end of my financial ‘glory’ days…

 
which always seems to be followed by the loss of all “friends”…
 

and in my case, the loss of all hope…


so, there I was…
 

left lonely, broke and broken…

 
I had no choice… but to turn to the mob… 


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-------- stay tuned for part two -------
 
(and don’t worry, it all works out in the end… or does it?)

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JP KING, Author

Just an action taking, adventure collecting, aloha spreading, dog loving, flow riding, maverick marketing consultant... and the fun, loving founder of Funnel Factory :)


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